THE LOVE BOAT IS STILL AFLOAT

My friend Helga, confined to her apartment for a year, said, 'Damn the pandemic I'm going on a cruise. And as soon as cruise ships started cruising Helga was on one. She recently e-mailed me a copy of her first six days. I leave it up to you is Helga a heroine!

DEAR DIARY - DAY 1

​ALL PACKED FOR THE CRUISE SHIP! ALL MY NICEST DRESSES, SWIMSUITS,

SHORT SETS. REALLY, REALLY EXCITED. OUR LOCAL RED HAT CHAPTER - 'THE LATE BLOOMERS' DECIDED ON THIS "ALL GIRLS" TRIP. NO HUSBANDS. THIS IS MY FIRST ONE. CAN'T WAIT!!!!

​DEAR DIARY - DAY 2

​ENITRE DAY AT SEA. BEAUTIFUL. SAW WHALES AND DOLPHINS. MET THE CAPTIAN -- A HUNK -- SEEMS LIKE A VERY NICE MAN.

DEAR DIARY - DAY 3

AT THE POOL, PLAYED SHUFFLEBOARD, HIT GOLF BALLS OFF THE DECK.

THE CAPTAIN INVITED ME TO JOIN HIM AT HIS TABLE FOR DINNER. FELT HONORED. HAD A WONDERFUL TIME. HE IS VERY ATTRACTIVE AND ATTENTIVE.

DEAR DIARY - DAY 4

​WON $800.50 IN THE SHIP' CASINO. THE CAPTAIN ASKED ME TO HAVE DINNER WITH HIM IN HIS CABIN. SCRUMPTIOUS MEAL. COMPLETE WITH CAVIAR AND CHAMPAGEN. HE ASKED ME TO SPEND THE NIGHT. I DECLINED. TOLD HIM I COULD NOT BE UNFAITHFUL TO MY HUSBAND.

DEAR DIARY - DAY 5

POOL AGAIN TODAY. GOT SUNBURNED, AND I WENT INSIDE TO DRINK A THE PIANO-BAR. STAYED THERE FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. THE CAPTAIN SAW ME, BOUGHT ME SEVERAL LARGE DRINKS. HE IS SO CHARMING. AGAIN, HE ASKED ME TO VISIT HIS CABIN FOR THE NIGHT.

OF COURSE, I DECLINED. HE TOLD ME, IF I DID NOT LET HIM HAVE HIS WAY WITH ME, HE WOULD SINK THE SHIP. I WAS SHOCKED.

DEAR DIARY - DAY 6

LAST NIGHT I SAVED 2,680 LIVES

TWICE